


My Allegiance

by Otayuranidiot



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Alternate Ending, Emperor Lelouch, Lelouch lives, M/M, Post-Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion R2, Schizophrenia, Spoilers for Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion R2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-03-02 17:28:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18815623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Otayuranidiot/pseuds/Otayuranidiot
Summary: When tasked to kill his best friend and lover for the sake of the world, Suzaku finally finds something he isn't willing to do to bring peace.  No matter how badly he wants Lelouch dead for everything he's done... Suzaku has made his choice.





	My Allegiance

There was noise everywhere, a thousand voices screaming together, blending into a single cacophony of wretched noise. It made his blood boil, made him cry with them. This had all been Lelouch's plan, his final wish, to be slaughtered by "Zero". And yet, Suzaku couldn't.   
After everything, being lied to and used time in and out. After Euphie, and Shirley... After Lelouch had killed so many in his path of destruction for a new world, killed his siblings in his anger.

Suzaku couldn't. He couldn't drive this sword through the stomach of his best friend, his lover. His Emperor.

He'd done his fair share to Lelouch. He'd held Lelouch helpless before the emperor, helped strip him of his sister. Nunally, the reason behind Lelouch's trail of blood. All he'd done, it had been to carve a new world for his sister. Suzaku couldn't. Lelouch was selfish, and Suzaku even more so. It was fascinating, those around Lelouch could still love him, no matter how many horrible things he did to them.

Above all the screams, the cheering, the booing of the crowd, Suzaku heard him. The single whisper from his Emperor's lips. A quiet call to his name, like a familiar pet. Through Zero's helm, Suzaku looked up at the man's face. This killer, who he'd sat and laughed with many nights over dinner, who needed help saving his sister, who'd had such a hatred of his own father that he'd killed his family whether he'd meant to or not, spare Nunnally. Lelouch, who'd struggled when Millie had put him in a cat costume, Lelouch who had led a rebellion to revive a country that would never recover. Lelouch, who'd held him many nights in the dorms. Even when he didn't remember his sister or his father, or his old relationship with Suzaku from years past before the Black Knights, before the military, but had held him as he cried. The man who had defeated his father though. The man who rose from the ashes, and made himself a national hero amongst the peoples a second... No, third time. 

And, the man who had drawn Suzaku's heart in all over, with those analyzing eyes. Lelouch, the man behind the fire that raged the world, and Lelouch, the one who had given him the title of Knight of Zero...

Suzaku couldn't bear the burden of the world's sins, especially not his best friend and lover. He couldn't become Zero.  
With everything Lelouch had ever done, he wore a melancholic mask. His shock was a fake, Suzaku knew that much, and Suzaku could read what was really there, written across his face. There was a bittersweet look of acceptance. Lelouch was prepared to die.

Suzaku couldn't. He slowly stood straight, still holding his sword up to Lelouch, letting the blade tip brush past the other's neck. Lelouch tilted his head up, exposing his neck. A familiar action, the exact thing he'd do when Suzaku had brushed hands across his neck, and not swords.

And then the sword clattered to the concrete, the sound deafening in its weight. Suzaku was betraying Lelouch a final time, denying him his last wish. Something someone had said to him once rang in his head, over the clashing of the sword falling. He refused to forgive, even if he needed to.

Understanding flickered across Lelouch's face, and then rage, and before he could do anything more Suzaku was at his knees. The collective gasp from the crowd was bittersweet. Zero, bowing to the demon emperor? Impossible. The cries of outrage echoed across the world.

Suzaku kneeled though, like an obedient knight. He bowed his head and held his fist over his heart, and he didn't resist as long fingers wrapped around his helmet. They lifted it away without any effort, familiar with the latch that released the mechanism in the back. Suzaku's hair slid away, flopping into his face as it was freed. The mask covering his lips caught as his breath hitched.

The blanket of silence was somehow more deafening that the roars had been.

Suzaku stared up into the eyes of his Emperor. Those purple eyes, that carried every sin Lelouch had committed. Those eyes that could understand Suzaku better than anyone on this planet, or in this world.

A long battle lay ahead because of his actions here. But Suzaku was the knight of Zero, dedicated to his emperor. Dedicated to a world of peace... Dedicated to having a future. And the only future that mattered to him was one with Lelouch at his side.

"Rise, my knight."

And obediently, Suzaku rose.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Their domination of the world had taken less than a year, with Suzaku and Lelouch working together. Suzaku had fought valiantly as his highness' Knight, and was a Britannian hero.

He couldn't be any happier, right? At some point or another, it had become more natural to turn a blind eye, to yield to his desires. For too long had he pent up his need for his Emperor, too long indeed.

The world felt like a dark place, even as Lelouch granted new freedoms to countries who let themselves get consumed. Consuming the European Union and Japan, adding them to Britannia. Freeing Nunally, letting her take hidden refuge in Japan. It was an act, one necessary for Lelouch to keep his role as the enemy of the world so long as he sat on his throne.  
Suzaku turned his blind eye, though. He had no reason to live, none, except for one. He'd given up his ideals in his time fighting the very man he loved, and after that threw away his honor when he accepted his fate only to reject what destiny demanded.

He'd been empty for some time; a hole ripped wide by the very world he had once tasked himself to protect. Lelouch filled that void though. It became easy, to even forget about Euphy, and Shirly and everyone else. The thousands, millions of people who died because of them? Well, they were dead; they had no voice for the opinion.

A groan slipped from Suzaku as he shifted in his master's lap. Lelouch's fingers idled in their mission to pull Suzaku's curly tresses into straight locks, and a questioning hum came from above in the heavens.

Suzaku couldn't help noticing the more time he spent with Lelouch, the more his thinking started replicating Lelouch's in how vicious a tone it took. It didn't scare him any longer. For another matter, the same could be said of immortality.

Suzaku had been nothing short of scandalized when Lelouch told him. Lelouch's lack of mortality wasn't surprising, per se with the King's Geass at his command. What was surprising was his new command over the Geass, giving him the ability to share his power with others. He'd offered Suzaku the same kind of immortality. They could be together, forever.  
It was ironic. To be never changing, after all he'd done to fight for a future with change. Suzaku had said he'd think about it. Never dying, it would be an eternal hell. But then... He'd die, he'd have his peace. What of Lelouch then.

"Suzaku. What's on your mind?"

Suzaku didn't answer verbally, only shifting to further dig his face into Lelouch's hip. Here, in their private garden, they could be themselves. Let go of the facade they wore to the world. And yet, Suzaku still felt heavy with all that came with this duty. He couldn't make his decision. Finally, have death? Or be with his Lelouch forever.   
Lelouch's fingers returned to mussing with Suzaku's hair, drawing circles in his scalp in steady rhythm. Suzaku breathed, and relished the cushion of Lelouch's thigh, the warmth and smell were familiar and calming. Of course he'd choose immortality with Lelouch. Of course.

"It's Nunnally. I received word the other day through Jeremiah. She's attending Ashford now... Would it be bad to visit? She'd hate you, Lelouch. Someone needs to tell her the truth someday."  
"It's better she doesn't know. As long as she hates me, as long as she stays away... She's safe without her demon brother. I won't stop you, Suzaku, if it's what you wish to do."

"No, it'll be alright left alone. I go only where you go. I follow where you lead, I kiss the very air you breathed. To the end of time I'll do so, if I accept your offer."  
"And? Do you? You'll hate every second of life. You're giving up the very thing you wanted most."

"For you? Yea."

Lelouch's smile was as sweet as ever. His real smile, which extended to his eyes, and even his very body. Lelouch's joy was still pure, and it was still very efficacious. The passion it emanated drove aside the bitterness in Suzaku's heart. Such a thing still held a striking effect over Suzaku, even if he'd only caught part of the smile out of the corner of his eye. Despite how comfortable this position had been, Suzaku wanted to fully witness that smile. Such a sentiment forced the knight to wriggle a bit, pulling himself around to lay on his back now with his arms raised up to grasp around Lelouch's slight waist. He was wearing a white and gold suit decorated with various adornments, the cloak left behind at the elaborate sofa feet of their current love seat. It had proven cumbersome in his attempts to pull his knight in for cuddles. Suzaku had allowed him victory though and likely would've even if he'd kept struggling with the heavy regalia.

Now he rested his head between Lelouch's legs yet again, content now that he could witness Lelouch's happiness. He wondered if any of the old photo albums of them with the student council survived.

"Lelouch, I'll make a deal with you."

The emperor had been slowly tilting forward, and an almost offended face struck him when Suzaku interrupted his musings. How dare he poke in, right in the middle of Lelouch's continued efforts to kiss him.

"Hmm? What might that be, Suzykun."

It was an old nickname, and one Suzaku himself had forgotten about since they were what... Eleven? It caught him off guard well, made him laugh a little before he continued.

"I'll accept your immortality if you come with me to give Nunnally the truth."

Lelouch sighed, sitting straight again, the laugh evaporating away. It seemed he gave up the desire to be as loving suddenly, with the mention of his sister. Suzaku could understand why, but... He sighed, sitting up as well. He didn't move to face Lelouch, only sat there, looking out beyond the gazeebo to the foliage around them. It was Lelouch's turn to snake his arms around Suzaku's waist from behind, burying his face into his Knight's neck. The moist breath below his ear sent a ripple of desire down Suzaku's spine, but more importantly, reminded him of who was in control. And yet...

"Fine. I accept this agreement."

Suzaku smiled, only having to turn his head a bit to meet Lelouch's soft lips to seal the deal. It was a promise, now.

 

* * *

 

Led by long fingers and lurid desires, Suzaku allowed himself to be guided as he kissed up and down Lelouch's bare skin; His honey-sweet milky scent brought relief from the strains of the day. Being Lelouch's protector meant being able to observe him, everywhere. It usually left Suzaku's nerves capsized with how touch-starved and destitute it left him. Even then, Suzaku refrained from full force with his frail Lulu, clinging to the fear of breaking his lover. Lelouch was ever tempting, framed by ruffled sheets and fireside light below Suzaku.

And still, Suzaku dug deeper, kissing along the line from Lelouch's jaw to his very pelvis. There where he quivered with every breath, crying out for Suzaku to fulfill him.

Thighs grasping, riding his waist, at last obedient. Soft whimpers and begging stares, hair pulling, and heated kisses. It happened very quickly, and it left Suzaku a blissful mess. For a while, he played it on repeat in his mind, holding Lelouch flush against his chest. The moments Suzaku got to see his Emperor rest in such a way were limited now, sadly. It only made him relish the ones he had even more.

His dear sweet Lelouch crying out his name over and over again. His face, his head, thrown back, his lips agape in a lavish O shape. The way their collisions superheated the air around them, or how their kisses left Suzaku even more starved for them than before. Lelouch was intoxicating. And then, Suzaku had Lelouch below him, a hand in each and those warm thighs still clinging to his waist. The crook of Lelouch's neck would be purpled in the morning, remnants of tonight's ministrations. 

 

 

"So, do you regret it?"

"What?"

"Accepting Geass, do you regret it? You'll spend an eternity with him."

Suzaku looked at CC, who looked ethereal in the early morning light. He had to get up and stretch, or else he'd have been restless for hours. The warmth of the covers and Lelouch's soft touches lay in wait for him when he was ready. 

The question was what Suzaku had wondered himself. Did he regret this? He looked away from CC, out over the terrace to the expanse of land before them. There were still a few stray stars littering the sky. He had only grabbed sweatpants, perhaps a mistake now that he shivered in the cool air.

"I'll make the question easier. Suzaku, are you prepared to protect him forever? To the very end. You'll stay with him, and comfort him. Lelouch is pompous, egotistical, and that is why he is so extraordinary. You must hold him at any chance you know."

The air was crisp, dragged by the breeze that tugged at CC's hair. Her eyes sang songs, and her lips trembled as she spoke about Lelouch. The emperor was just as much hers as he was Suzaku's. Maybe not in the same sense, but Suzaku knew how important Lelouch was to the witch.

"Yes, I am prepared for that. I was prepared the second he knighted me. Maybe even the very moment years ago when we first met. I've hurt him so much, C-two. He could've chosen anyone better in this world. I guess that kind of scares me."  
Suzaku rubbed the back of his neck out of habit, a nervous sort of gesture he wanted to break.

"Of everyone he could've chosen, you're the only one who came back to him to stay. You have to promise me, you'll make him happy."  
A laugh crossed Suzaku, he hadn't even meant to let go of it.   
"I'll be sure not to break that promise. I don't want to cross paths with a witch now do I."

"No, No you do not."  
Suzaku watched CC's smile bring light to her face. For a while longer, he enjoyed her presence, and for a while, Suzaku enjoyed her humanity.

 

Suzaku returned to the bed to find it was just as warm and comforting as it had been when he'd gotten up. Lelouch remained restful, rolling effortlessly back into Suzaku's arms. The blankets tried slipping away, only for Suzaku to catch them, pulling them up over his lover's shoulders. The quiet face Lelouch wore was a juxtaposition to how defined he was during the day. He was almost still a child, though Suzaku knew better. 

Yes, he was prepared to protect this forever. So long as he could watch Lelouch sleep soundly like this, he'd do it over and over, every eternity he could. In the umbra of their room, Suzaku had his turn to play with Lelouch's hair. The long strands of black hair felt softer than fine silk, and they fell in across Suzaku's fingers like water. They were not held by the callouses made by years of working with Knightmares and testing simulations. Bitten fingernails felt no pain brushing through the perfectly brushed mass. And for how soft and delicate such hair was, it incredibly strong. Lelouch's hair had restrained pulls and bites, rushed dragging and leading, like reins. For someone who had so much hair on his head, Lelouch seemed to lack it anywhere else. Suzaku had once teased him about it, the distant memory of laughable school gym encounters reminding Suzaku to smile. Now though, he appreciated it. Lelouch had such a gentle body, befitting someone as gentle as he was.

Suzaku hated the mask of the demon emperor, because he loved his Lelouch so greatly. The world deserved to see this sleeping beauty, a force to be reckoned with, and someone who had in turn saved Suzaku's life.

Suzaku stayed awake to the very moment Lelouch awoke, greeting him with kisses and playful morning nips. He laughed with Lelouch who was held captive in strong arms determined to hold him close forever. Suzaku loved every moment he could spend with this squirmy mess of an Emperor.

He had sacrificed the world for this, and he had no regrets in doing so.

* * *

 

 

 "Kind of nostalgic isn't it. Being here again, in the student council room? I miss them..."  
It was nothing more than small talk, filling some of the space before Nunnally arrived. Suzaku could feel how rigid Lelouch was, his anticipation reaching a brimming point. He wore his old eyepatch, a reminiscence Suzaku hadn't known he'd missed. It befitted Lelouch's outfit. Completely white, save for every gold adornment ranging from the clasps to the figures on his boots. The gem that hung from the patch glimmered in the light filtered through the windows.  
The room itself felt dusty, almost heavy with a sense of abandonment. What with half the old council either with jobs or dead... Who would be left? 

Lelouch depressed into his seat, head lulling against one fist, the other tapping a dull rhythm into the arm of his chair. If he planned to answer the question, he didn't do so now. He gave Suzaku a look that crossed a path between apathy and apology. The somber tone his exposed eye threw cast shadow over the light in the room.

Suzaku sighed, walking around the table to stand beside his Emperor, leaning over to plant a quick kiss on the crook of his jaw. Lelouch's hand flew up to meet the side of Suzaku's face, holding him there for a moment longer. They could've endured, but there was a creak as a door opened somewhere in the distance. Suzaku could so quickly become absorbed loving Lelouch, he forgot the rest of the world for a moment.  
The sound made the knight stand at attention, a hand rested on Lelouch's shoulder, the other leaned against the hilt of his sword. C.C. was there, as on schedule, and in the mechanized chair before her sat Nunnally.

 

 

 

"It was all part of Zero Requiem, to re-shape the world for you..."  
Nunally was silent, staring at her brother with wide eyes. Her beautiful eyes, which were lighter than her brother's, but truthful. Suzaku was glad he got to see them finally. He'd stood silent for an hour, as Lelouch explained everything that had happened over the last years.

"So... How was that supposed to lead to you dominating the world?! What about Kallen! Euphy and Shirly..."

"Saying sorry won't do anything to draw them back. Suzaku was supposed to destroy me." Suzaku stiffened at the mention of his name, averting his eyes from either of his friends "The day Zero betrayed the world, he was supposed to end this. With the world's hate focused on me, he'd have become a hero. Suzaku is too headstrong still."

Suzaku listened to the reserve that descended for a while. In his mind, he pictured Nunnally closing her eyes and taking a deep breath before looking at her brother again. Forgiveness, the thing Shirly had told him he struggled the most with... it was what Nunnally gave her brother now. Nunally, Lelouch's sweet little sister, after everything he'd ever done to her, opened her arms wide for Lelouch to hug her. And of everything Lelouch had ever denied her, he leaned in and gave her this one kindness. Suzaku shifted his weight from one foot to the other. For a moment, it felt like it all used to. Hanging around with Nunnally and Lelouch together in this room, enjoying tea or setting up decorations for a new event.  
Their new positions felt so wrong in that very moment. Suzaku would give anything to have how things used to be back. Absolutely anything.

 

"Congratulations... Brother."

Suzaku tried catching Nunnally's eye, tried silently asking her what she meant. She never turned to look at him, nor her brother for that matter. She had her eyes closed again, an action it seemed she did as a comfort to herself. Her hands shook as she returned her cup to the table effortlessly, even without even observing.   
"You know, on your engagement. You and Suzaku, well. You two were always so close. The world was always cruel to us, but..."  
The tears on her cheeks seemed to shoot arrows of ice into Suzaku's soul. He wanted nothing more than to step forward and comfort her, hold her and dry her tears. This was something for Lelouch to do, though. A final goodbye to his sister, perhaps. They'd undoubtedly return in the future to try and visit, but would Lelouch ever be the same person? It was Suzaku's fault, after all.

"but he always had you."  
She turned to address the knight, who sat straighter and nodded his head in affirmation.

"Watch over him, don't let him forget me, alright Suzaku?"  
Suzaku couldn't do anything. He still couldn't move, couldn't look away, couldn't speak. Nunnally had stolen his breath away with the tears that stained her cheeks. Suzaku felt dumbfounded, lost in the sea of his own thoughts suddenly. He wanted to reach out, to console her. Reassure her that he'd protect Lelouch to his very last breath. But the air itself had a grasp on his neck, choking the life out of his soul. Lelouch was there in seconds that felt like millennia, kneeling in front of Nunnally, sparing Suzaku from her gaze. The siblings held each other for the first time in a very long one...

This was painful, so much more painful than he'd ever anticipated.

 

 

 

"So. Nunnally knows everything now. It's a relief, in a way. You looked like you were about to cry, Suzaku." For an aircraft carrying Suzaku and what felt like the burdens of the world, the flight felt smooth. Weightless.  
Suzaku merely nodded, looking down to Lelouch who splayed across his lap. He'd followed his emperor in suit, changing from the regalias of earlier into something more comfortable. Indeed they didn't have any other duties today, except each other. Suzaku's heart was heavy with the memory of today, though, as he attended Lelouch's neck. Getting absorbed in purpling the procelain skin that lay there in wait was...  
Lelouch had his eyes shut, and in that very moment, he resembled his sister. Someone innocent, and fragile. Incredibly strong, and intelligent. It felt like water was bubbling up into his throat, watching his emperor hold himself so comfortably. He was so small... So incredibly small for someone who ruled the world.

It had been  _his_  idea, so why did he feel so guilty about it. Suzaku had been the one to recommend seeing Nunnally, he'd helped set up the meeting. He'd been there at Lelouch's side through the entire hour. So why did it feel like someone was pouring tar down his throat.

"You know Lelouch, I think I  _was_  crying. I think I've always been."

The words came muffled against Lelouch's collarbone where Suzaku kissed and nipped, distracting himself from his pains. Every breath brought new anger, and he released it with every bite he gave to Lelouch.  


End file.
